If you’re considering a pagan wedding, or specifically a handfasting, you may be wondering what’s involved, what it looks like, and how to plan one. This guide walks through the essentials.
What Is Handfasting?
Handfasting is an ancient Celtic and Northern European betrothal and marriage ceremony in which the couple’s hands are tied together with cords or ribbons. The phrase “tying the knot” comes from this practice.
In medieval Scotland and Ireland, handfasting could be either a trial marriage (often a year-and-a-day commitment) or a full wedding. Today, it’s most commonly a full wedding ceremony, sometimes legally binding, sometimes symbolic.
The Core Elements of a Pagan Wedding
A pagan wedding typically includes some combination of:
- Casting a circle or marking sacred space
- Calling the four directions (east, south, west, north / air, fire, water, earth)
- An opening blessing or invocation
- Vows, typically spoken by the couple in their own words
- Exchange of rings or other tokens
- The handfasting, the binding of hands with cords
- Jumping the broom (in some traditions)
- A communal blessing from witnesses
- Closing the circle
The ritual can be 20 minutes or 90 minutes depending on how elaborately each element is developed.
The Handfasting Itself, Step by Step
- The couple faces each other and joins hands.
- The officiant (or a chosen friend) holds the cords or ribbons.
- For each binding, the couple speaks a vow (“I bind myself to you with the cord of fidelity”) and the officiant ties the cord loosely around their joined wrists.
- Most modern handfastings use three to five cords, each in a meaningful color (red for passion, white for purity, green for growth, blue for tranquility, etc.).
- When all cords are tied, the couple’s hands are bound together by the unified ribbon.
- The officiant blesses the union; the couple kisses; the binding is released as a single woven cord, which the couple keeps.
The unified cord is often saved and used in anniversary rituals later.
Christo-Pagan Variations
At Christo-pagan weddings, traditional pagan elements are integrated with Christian elements:
- Opening prayer addressing both Christ and the natural elements
- Reading from scripture alongside readings from earth-honoring poetry
- Communion or a shared meal as part of the ceremony
- The Lord’s Prayer alongside a pagan blessing
- Christian blessing of the rings alongside the handfasting
The blend feels natural in practice. Many couples find it more meaningful than either tradition alone would have been.
Legal Considerations
Handfasting can be legally binding if performed by someone with the legal authority to officiate in your jurisdiction. Requirements vary by state and country. Common paths:
- An ordained minister (including online ordinations such as those from the Universal Life Church)
- A clergy member of a recognized religion (this is where the Pagan Church of Christ can help)
- A judge, justice of the peace, or notary (in jurisdictions that allow this)
If your handfasting officiant isn’t legally authorized, you can still do the handfasting ceremony and separately do a legal signing at a courthouse or with another officiant.
Planning Your Pagan Wedding
Key questions to work through:
- Where? Outdoors is traditional and meaningful. A forest clearing, a beach, a garden, a high meadow. If indoors, choose a space with natural elements visible (a window onto trees, a fireplace).
- When? Many couples choose to align with a sabbat, Beltane (May 1) and Litha (summer solstice) are especially popular for weddings.
- Who officiates? Someone you trust deeply. Ideally a clergy member or a community elder who knows you both.
- What cords? Hand-braid them yourself, or buy them. Either way, the cords typically come in meaningful colors. Some couples make their own cords from fabric meaningful to them.
- Mixed-faith family? A Christo-pagan ceremony often works beautifully for families who span Christian and pagan backgrounds.
How the Pagan Church of Christ Can Help
We officiate handfasting ceremonies for couples in our community and for couples who reach out from elsewhere. We can:
- Discuss what ceremony elements feel right for you
- Help you craft your vows
- Provide an officiant who is legally authorized in your state
- Offer space at our gathering location if helpful
- Help you write a Christo-pagan ceremony that honors both traditions
If you’re planning a pagan or Christo-pagan wedding, email us with what you’re imagining. We’ll respond within a few days and we’d be delighted to help.